


Insatiable Hunger

by Raisans_Grapeon



Series: Trading in Nuts for Walnuts [1]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Food, Incubus Shane, No Smut, Succubi & Incubi, altercations, food coma, just humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-24 20:06:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17710712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raisans_Grapeon/pseuds/Raisans_Grapeon
Summary: It was jarring to say the least. Ryan didn’t know how the thing got into his home. No one knew how incubi got in anywhere. One would think any reasonable human would spot the monster a mile away. But that all didn’t matter now. It was here, hunched over Ryan, caging the human in with its long, thin limbs. It had a strange lust deep within it’s eyes, lids drooping in what Ryan could only guess was arousal. Dread built up in his stomach, mind anticipating the rush of the incubus’ charm to crash over him like a tidal wave.But it never happened.





	Insatiable Hunger

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, welcome to another one of my writings!
> 
> Fair warning, I am not a professional, nor am I an English major or anything like that. I have room to improve, so if there are any critiques you guys can give me would be greatly appreciated. 
> 
> Also thanks go to my friend in programming class who elicited this entire idea.
> 
> So, enjoy!

It was the dead of night, and Ryan had only just begun to open his eyes. He didn’t know what prompted his brain to wake up so early. His room was drenched in cool blues and blacks, no distinguishing colours popping out at him. Ryan blinked once, twice, and he became painfully aware of a looming figure hunched over him. It’s features were cast in shadow, but Ryan could make out two, blunt nubs that poked out of its forehead. Behind it, a long, smooth tail whipped out, curling and twisting with a life of its own. Realization sunk in as Ryan’s eyes adjusted to the low light, and he could see a pair of dark, brown eyes gazing down at him. His chest seized up, and his eyes were blown wide open. He almost couldn’t believe it, but there he was. There they both were. 

 

It was jarring to say the least. Ryan didn’t know how the thing got into his home. No one knew how incubi got in anywhere. One would think any reasonable human would spot the monster a mile away. But that all didn’t matter now. It was here, hunched over Ryan, caging the human in with its long, thin limbs. It had a strange lust deep within it’s eyes, lids drooping in what Ryan could only guess was arousal. Dread built up in his stomach, mind anticipating the rush of the incubus’ charm to crash over him like a tidal wave. 

 

But it never happened. Ryan felt oddly normal, despite the rampant fear of the literal sex demon boxing him in on his bed. He did nothing to keep his breathing even, too terrified to give a shit about being all there in the head at the moment. The incubus moved, one arm lifting up, and its slender fingers came into view. Ryan sucked in his breath, thinking that that was the moment when everything would go sideways in every possible way. The creature reached out to the side and grabbed something. Ryan couldn’t see, and didn’t want to, keeping his eyes trained on the incubus’. 

 

Its arm drew back in. In between its fingers, was a french fry. Ryan’s french fry. Its mouth pulled open, and it unceremoniously popped the cold, soggy potato strip in. It kept constant, unrelenting eye contact the entire time, not even blinking. The air was deathly still, only the faint sound of the creature’s chewing could be heard. 

 

The incubus spoke, monotone and relaxed. “Good fries.” That was it. The thing leaned back, sitting on its legs. It had grabbed a styrofoam carry out container with him, holding it close to its bare chest. Ryan looked at the creature’s body for the first time, noting that it wasn’t sculpted, but a realistic representation of a healthy human body, albeit, long and thin. It was wearing black shorts, but they were skin tight, showing off more than Ryan ever wanted to see of the thing and that was it. Nothing else. Its tail slithered out, wrapping around its abdomen in content. It finally blinked at Ryan, throwing another fry into its mouth. “Where’d you get these? In-n-out?” It was so damn casual, like it was talking to an old friend.

 

Ryan finally scrambled up into an upright position, chest heaving and blankets kicked off frantically. “HOW THE FUCK D-” The incubus didn’t care about what Ryan had to say, standing up off the bed, and sauntering out into the main room of his small apartment. “wha- HEY! Get back here!” Ryan launched himself after the creature, scrambling to his feet and rounding the corner just in time to catch the invader shoving its head into Ryan’s fridge. The white light poured out, only partially illuminating the monster’s pale skin. “Get out of there! Shoo!” Ryan aggressively flicked the lights on, allowing him to see his surroundings fully, not to mention the incubus’ full coloration. Its tail was a dark, cool violet, snaking about as the creature rummaged through Ryan’s food, piling several items into its arms. 

 

“Keep your pants on,” it muttered, pulling itself out and closing the door with its tail. Ryan could now see its short, stubby horns that poked out of its forehead, coloured similarly to its tail. Its face looked tired, but amused, with a shadow of a beard poking through his skin. When standing at full height, the demon was easily a half a foot taller than Ryan. Its dark brown hair was tousled slightly, sticking out in random areas. It opened up a jar of pickles that Ryan had and started to drink the juice, occasionally letting a quartered slice slide down its throat without chewing.

 

“I- eh” Ryan stammered, tripping over his words as the shock hit him full force. “Aren’t you supposed to be entrancing me to take them off!?” Was he seriously complaining about an incubus not feeding off his life force and sexing him up?

 

The creature gulped down another pickle quarter with the last of the juice, smacking its lips in satisfaction. “Nah. That’s not me.” It turned away, stalking over to the nearest counter to drop what seemed to be the entirety of Ryan’s fridge.

 

Just to be sure, the human ran over to his refrigerator, and swung the stainless steel door open. There was nothing inside. Ryan sent an accusatory glare over to the incubus. “What are you doing here, then!?”

 

The incubus finished off the pickles and tossed the empty jar over its shoulder, having the object land in a black trash bag that Ryan hadn’t even noticed yet. “I’m hungry,” it mumbled, tearing open a package of raw meat and taking bites of it. 

 

Ryan shuddered at the sight. “Bu- uhg. Y-.. you’re! Fuck.” He couldn’t wrap his head around the situation. Even if the incubus was doing its intended job, the whole situation would still be confusing. “Aren’t you supposed to be in some lady’s house? Not a man’s!?” He placed his fists on his sides, a firm frown set on his face. 

 

The demon just looked over as it finished off the slab of beef, looking slightly confused. “You have food too…?” It said it so matter of factly, Ryan almost drop kicked it. 

 

“But you’re an incubus! You’re supposed to like… fuck women and reproduce and live forever and all that shit!” Ryan couldn’t believe he was explaining an incubus’ purpose, to an incubus.

 

The thing hummed thoughtfully, tossing the meat’s packaging into the trash bag. It grabbed the next thing on the counter. Eggs. “I don’t need to reproduce, or feed off human energy to live. It makes it easier, because you humans are radiating with all the essential vitamins that we need, but we can eat normal food if we want. And I want to.” It popped a whole egg into its mouth, crunching on the shell and swallowing. “The sex business isn’t really my thing, ya know?”

 

Ryan just stared as the incubus ate his eggs, and tossed the empty carton into its personal trash bag. It reached for a bag of grapes next, and Ryan finally interjected, snatching the bag from the creature’s hands. “Jesus, are you even a fucking incubus!?”

 

“Why are you so abject to the fact that I’m not fucking you right now?” It had a point as it abandoned the food it got from the fridge and started pulling open cabinets. “I am an incubus. Just an asexual one. Contradictory? Yes. Outlandish? No.” It pulled out a can of beans and tapped the top. “Do you have a can opener?”

 

“If I did, I wouldn’t give it to you so you can continue to eat all my shit!” Ryan stole the beans from the demon, and watched as it simply turned back to the rest of the contents on the counter, picking up a bushel of cilantro. 

 

“You know, people hate cilantro because it tastes like soap,” it mused thoughtfully. With that, it took a large bite of the leaves, chewing for about a second, then swallowing. “Grainy. You haven’t washed these yet?”

 

Ryan was seething. “No! I was  _ planning _ on making steak with chimichurri sauce, but obviously you have ruined that.” He emphasized ‘planning’ to elaborate a point, but it didn’t quite hit home with the demon. It merely finished off the cilantro, stems and all, turning back to pick up the carrots. Ryan groaned in frustration. “Do you at least have a name, so I know who to mention when I complain about you to the police?” 

 

The mention of the police didn’t phase the creature. “Shane Madej. Pleasure to meet you…” It left the sentence hanging for Ryan to finish.

 

Begrudgingly, Ryan responded. “Ryan Bergara.” He did not let up on the death glares he had been giving Shane the entire time. The shorter man put the beans and grapes down on the counter again.

 

“Ryan.” It nodded. “Cool.” Shane ignored Ryan again, eating up the carrots. Or, it was more like the creature was shoving them down its throat. Only a incubus could do that. 

 

Finally, Ryan decided to look for the nearest weapon, which happened to be his swiffer sweeper that was laying casually against the bathroom door adjacent to the kitchen. He scooped it up, holding the pseudo mop like a war spear. “Get out,” he admonished in a low, slow voice. He humored the creature for long enough.

 

Shane barely seemed phased by the sight, looking down at Ryan with disinterest. “Geez, I’ll be out in a snap. Cool your jets.” It waved Ryan off, starting to gather up the remaining food on the counter, including the grapes, plus a few cans of beans and a can of tomato soup. 

 

“No, no no no no! You aren’t taking my food with you!” Ryan whacked Shane with the sweeper over the head. The incubus flinched at the hit, cradling the stolen goods in his twiggish arms.

 

“Hey! Ah- fuck, dude no, I’m hungry!,” Shane feebly argued as if Ryan gave a shit. 

 

“I-,” Ryan hit the demon over the head again. “-don’t-” Again. “-CARE!” He swung down with full force, the sweeping end clashing against Shane’s spine. It wasn’t hard to aim, he could see every vertebrae poking out.

 

“AaHAaAh! NO!” The incubus whined like a child, starting to abscond from the fight with the goods still nestled delicately in his hold. His tail was now thrashing, and Shane was on the other side of the main space of the apartment, near the TV. “Jesus, I just want your fucking food!” The incubus was standing defensively, feet wide apart and legs bunched up, ready to take off in either direction.

 

“Food costs money!” Ryan dug into his cabinets and pulled out an old can of spaghettios from the back. He pulled back, and chucked the can at Shane’s face. The creature ducked, the can hitting the wall with loud thunk before falling to the floor. Now he had a hole in his wall. “Fuck!”

 

Shane began sidestepping around the living room potion of the main area, eyeing Ryan. “Fucking hell! I’m leaving, alright!?”

 

“Give me my food!”

 

“NO!”

 

Ryan, gripping the swiffer sweeper tightly in his hands, charged at Shane, letting out a battle cry. Shane muttered a quick, ‘oh shit,’ and made a mad dash to Ryan’s bedroom, tail whipping furiously behind him. The human swung furiously, often missing the mark. The incubus scrambled onto Ryan’s bed again, straightening up with a new, and unneeded height. Well… his head hit the ceiling so he hand to squat down a bit. Ryan jabbed forward with the handle end, but the demon jumped back, the bed now a barrier between the two. 

 

“I just want my food,” Ryan grounded out, brows tightly knit together. 

 

Shane didn’t say anything more as he turned and slid out Ryan’s open bedroom window. The idiotic action startled Ryan, making the human drop the mop and peer out. As he did, the incubus had caught a flag pole outside with his tail, and was hanging upside down from it. Ryan growled and shut his window. The endeavour over, the human sighed heavily, running a hand through his black hair. “Fucking hell.” He really needed to be better about closing his window at night. 

 

Desperate for more sleep, Ryan turned off the lights again, and sunk into his bed, not even bothering with the sheets.

 

\--

 

Daylight streamed in from Ryan’s open window, imprinting on the carpeted floor. The specks of dust in the air could be seen drifting within the beams. Ryan groaned and hauled his chest up. He rubbed eye gunk out of the corners of his eyes, and groaned slightly at the memory of last night. Fucking incubi. They were a public menace. Thankfully, it didn’t try to feed off him. Downside, the damn thing took everything in his refrigerator and he accidentally sent a can of spaghettios into his wall. Ryan began to mutter to himself. “This is why people need incubi proof windows… God damnit. I really need to call someone to install that shit.”

 

“Tha’s meann.”

 

Everything stopped. The voice was soft and slurred from sleep, but it had given Ryan enough hell last night that he could never forget it. Now, all he could see was the open window. God. Damnit. Ryan fell out of his bed and looked over, wide eyed. The same fucking incubus was face down on Ryan’s bed, arms up and bent over its head, and tail messily draping over its back. It was still nearly naked with the spandex black shorts, but it didn’t have much of an ass to show off. The human gritted his teeth, and sprinted into his kitchen. 

 

It looked perfectly normal, except for the trash bag that sat between the couch of the living room and the table of the kitchen. It was full, tied off at the top. Ryan threw open every cabinet door he had, and the revealed nothing. Everything edible in his house? Gone. Fucking gone in a night. Because the demon sleeping on his bed. Ryan was fuming, storming back into his bedroom to shove the creature off his bed. “YOU PIECE OF SHIT! I HAVE NOTHING TO EAT NOW!” He didn’t care if his neighbors filed a complaint, he just needed to release. 

 

The incubus hit the floor with a dull thud and groaned. Ryan didn’t see the horrid thing rear its head, but it still responded. “Jesus… Damn give a guy a break. I’m recovering from a food coma…” It could be heard shifting about, and in a flash, all of Ryan’s sheets were ripped off his bed.

 

When Ryan peered over to where the creature was trying to ‘recover,’ it had cocooned itself with the sheets and comforters,only its drowsy face and violet horns could be seen. It cracked one eye open to peer up at the human whose life it just ruined for a solid week. Ryan’s glare was cold and burning at the same time. Shane didn’t look affected, but it closed its eye and mumbled out, “I’ll pay you back.” After that, it was out like a light.

 

Ryan could only rub at his face to relieve some tension from it, but he couldn’t do much else but ignore it. He needed to go to the store.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for making it to the end! I appreciate it greatly!
> 
> Don't worry, there will be more.


End file.
